Leppotone

Have you ever seen somebody DJ a dance party with a laptop? The skill it takes to press play on your playlist while you check MySpace for fake females as nobody dances is totally awesome.

Monk said ‘There is no wrong note, it has to do with how you resolve it’. He almost sounded like a kid taking piano lessons. I could relate to that when I first started playing the piano, because he was decomposing the music while he was playing it.

I’m not a homosexual, but that Magnus guy is pretty hot.

Our kids have a huge advantage already. We’re not in and out of mental hospitals.

My grandparents went to Dachau, and all I got was this lousy lampshade.

Our protesting China feels like your alcoholic brother beating up your junkie boyfriend: the delight of very slightly higher moral ground.

I guess I should’ve tried my luck on the one I didn’t understand.

This toilet is worse than the one we worked in Dayton.

A pierced cooch is like finding a washer in a delicious corned beef sandwich.