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Submitted by redstarwraith on Sun, 01/07/2007 - 9:31pm.
I found something funny as I was cleaning out my study today. Back in the mid 1990’s I worked in the credit department for Daytons/Hudsons/Marshall Fields in Minneapolis. I had to sit and take phone calls from pissed off people regarding their charge cards for 8 hours at a time. It was pretty miserable but, over the year+ that I worked there I compiled a list of names of actual customers. It was pretty hilarious because you would get the customer’s account information on the screen so you’d see their name (among other info) before you would patch their call through. Some of these names had me rolling and it was pretty hard to maintain any composure when speaking to these people as a result. Anyway, here’s the list … Thank heaven my folks didn’t tag me with one of these monikers! Dorcus Hole, Mrs. Lulu Mae Loshbough, Baby Loreto O. Vertudes, Noviest A. Panty, Dshon Moonshine, Shirley A. Dick, Rachel F. Fang, Lisa and Steve Schwinghammer, Lovely Leggs, Modern Man, Denise Death (who fairly SCREAMED the pronounciation at me over the phone when I read it as written, “IT’S DEETH!!!”), Deborah Deathrage, Holly Head, Penny Lane, Mary Smariege (pronounced, “Smare-idge”), Lawrence and Karen Kielbasa, David J. Bowie, Jesus Oppenhiemer (“Prince of Peace and creator of the Atomic Bomb all rolled into one man?!?!), Lovey Bush, Freddie B. Logwood, Rockets Red Glare (Okay, he was a local artist who had legally changed his name…), Merko Matic, Willi Zogg … … . Well, I entered them as a list, but the Leppo-gremlins had other formatting ideas. . .
#1Submitted by Ulysses S. Eater on Mon, 01/08/2007 - 4:08am.
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my favorite at work was Porn

my favorite at work was Porn Rappa Bunmusik. In Malaysia Porn is a pretty common first name apparently. Fuchs and Kuntz are pretty much fucked.
#2Submitted by John Ball on Mon, 01/08/2007 - 11:28am.
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I worked in one of those

I worked in one of those miserable call centers once and also had a file of strange names. I can only remember two but they were doozies…A chinese feller named Fook Yu and my favorite, Mrs. Rheema Butt. The strangest thing about Mrs. Butt, was that she actually took her husband's surname when she got married. I mean, come on, if ever there was a case for keeping your maiden name this was it. 
#3Submitted by John Ball on Mon, 01/08/2007 - 12:06pm.
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Speaking of Fuchs and Kuntz

Speaking of Fuchs and Kuntz (the surname not the Butthole Surfers tune) who could forget our friend and former Tigers outfielder, Rusty Kuntz, or for that matter, K College German prof and soccer coach Hardy Fuchs? Gentlemen both if unfortunately named.

 
#4Submitted by Mr. Jass on Mon, 01/08/2007 - 12:06pm.
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snicker

My friend Pete works at H**key S**vices in Karzoo. He has had dealings with the director of an inner-dity Detroit pee-wee hockey league. They buy equipment from the aforementioned establishment. The director of said league goes by the nickname "Clee". Her given name is Clitoria.

No doo-doo.

I'm waiting a few years until D'Shawn or Launtarion show up in the NHL.

#5Submitted by redstarwraith on Mon, 01/08/2007 - 1:09pm.
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My mother knew a "Dorcus"

My mother knew a “Dorcus” when she was younger. Apparently it’s a somewhat common name in some Eastern European areas. Yeah, but still, don’t you think someone at immigration could have said, “Now my friend, I realize that Dorcus might be a pretty swingin’ name back in Warsaw, but you’ll never be taken seriously here, so let’s change it to, shall we say, Don?”
#6Submitted by crappor on Tue, 01/09/2007 - 10:07am.
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dorcus

my parents are friends with a local dorcus.  Dorcus is female also.  She's real nice. 

My mom told me when I was younger that she went to school with the Beaches.  Rocky, Sandy, and Pebble.  Poor kids.
#7Submitted by dingey on Tue, 01/09/2007 - 12:37pm.
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ohhhhh

The best real name I've ever heard is E. Pluribus Thurman.
#8Submitted by redstarwraith on Tue, 01/09/2007 - 10:58pm.
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Funny Restaurants

In Chicago there was a Thai restaurant not far from where I lived called “Nhut Pop” and I assumed it was pronounced “nut pop” - I never ate there. I was afraid the food would do something tragic my testicles. . .
#9Submitted by redstarwraith on Tue, 01/09/2007 - 11:00pm.
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correction

that’s “do something tragic TO my testicles” - but you probably had that figured out didn’t you, gentle reader?
#10Submitted by redstarwraith on Tue, 01/09/2007 - 11:04pm.
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Also

There was also a prominent Chicago alderman back in the 90’s that the press kept calling by his diminutive name “Dick”. Unfortunately, his last name was “Phaelin” - pronounced (you guessed it) “Failin’”. I suppose he’s off hawking Viagra someplace now. . .
#11Submitted by redstarwraith on Tue, 01/09/2007 - 11:06pm.
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Also

A friend of mine was teaching at Mattewan high school (or maybe it was middle school?) some years back. The princple’s name was “Dick Phister” and, by all accounts he INSISTED on being called Dick (not Richard). He would accept Mr. Phister too which, to my mind, sounds perhaps more perverse than Dick Phister. . .
#12Submitted by John Ball on Wed, 01/10/2007 - 9:03am.
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And then there's the

And then there's the co-founder and radio spokesman of the Detroit area's Capital Mortgage Funding, Harry Glanz who is, of course, only two letters away from being a furry dickhead. 

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