You ever heard that novelty song, "30 Point Buck?" (pronounced "Turdy Point")
Well, it’s stupid. It’s a Yooper deer-camp thing.
Anyway, I sit next to this guy from Ishpeming in da UP. He’s a good guy, maybe 50 or so.
Somehow, we turned the 30 point thing into a scoring system for our poop. However, it turns out that we’re not playing by the same rules.
I’d originally suggested we rate it, 1-10 on size, smell, and the overall enjoyment/satisfaction of the event.
He, on the other hand, is going strictly on size, and contends that nobody’s ever lived through a 30-pointer. Plus, he’s not good at math.
Neither of these factor in the elusive "wipe-free" poop, which is really what we should all aspire to, don’t you think? Maybe that’s another game, or a tie breaker. I think we’d need a set of triple-beam scales though.
Now we have a new problem We’ve never had to "prove it," we go strictly on the honor system here. (If I were playing at home, I’d want to see it…)
But they’ve recently remodeled the bathrooms here, and installed auto-flush potties. Now, it’s almost impossible to get a good look before the fish start swimming around and out. I’ve tried peeking between my legs before getting up, but there’s not a lot of light. (I pretty much plug that entire hole.)
Tried the quick jump ‘n turn method, but there’s not a lot of room for acrobatics in there, plus my head ‘n shoulders stick out above the stall, and it’d probably look real silly to someone that wasn’t hep to the game. It also does sort of a "Jackson Pollock" on the stall, which displeases the cleaning staff.
Anyway, I just thought I’d toss this out there, in case any of you wanted to play.
man!
I can always count on Tree. Thanks for bringing the conversation back to my comfort level, buddy. I have not yet determined how to rate my current output. I’ll have to put some thought into it. I know just the place for doing that kinda thinkin’, too……
Tree wrote: the elusive
the elusive "wipe-free" poop
I think the proper pooper term is "a clean break".
Also I like your scale better that what I found.
seems like the Janapese are all over this.
———click on text for full absract—————-
Although fecal consistency is an important factor, there has been only one study measuring this parameter. We developed a new method to measure fecal consistency and studied the relationship between fecal consistency and other fecal factors, including water content and weight.
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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bristol…
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these folks are still refinine their efforts. I think you could help them out.
http://www.poopreport.com/Techniques…
Clean Break
The other day, my youngest son called it a "Ghost Wipe"
Seems a little sad though, like "Oh man, I wasted that paper! Didn’t even need that!"
I suggest laying it delicately on the edge of the tub. Use it again later, maybe for nose blowing or makeup removal.
My Gastroenterologist will be pleased.
I can now tell my gastroenterologist that I’ve been tending toward type 5, even type 6, on the Bristol scale.
I purposefully read the
I purposefully read the orginal post here in installments. Each time I started reading I had to go somewhere soon and knew I’d be losing my shit during the middle of a conversation thinking about what Tree wrote so I spaced it out. Oh man….
not sure how to scale it....
…but since altering my eating habits, my voiding output tends toward a rich, mossy black-green humus that makes me feel like I could fertilize a beautiful garden with my butt. Sigh.
One should take a gander at
One should take a gander at the turd hue of an 8 year old who eats Fruity Pebbles every morning for breakfast.
Spectacular.
You on a Dungheap
This thread is like the porn version of Dr. Oz.
1975
One should take a gander at the turd hue of an 8 year old who eats Fruity Pebbles every morning for breakfast.
Spectacular.
Let’s get into my Tardis and go back to 1975, and you can see just that. But don’t freak out my past self, or a parodox may occour.
Another cereal that produced odd results was Coco Pebbles. "I’ve gone Choco-Wacky!"
hmph
Given the subject at hand, shouldn’t that be "Choco-CACKY"????
specially marked CRAP
When Post factories burnt their batches of Fruity Pebbles, BC would stink for at least two days.
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