Leppotone

Is he coming to Shake's?

Right here.



--your radio friend, Bat Guano

Anonymously Seeking Susan.

I wrote the following as a post on a thread of a political blog. I post it here because too much time was spent on it, and I need to share my genius with all. I'm as good as that douche with the piano who's always on PBS.

"Tale of the Michigan Voter"

(Sung to the tune of "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald")

Twas 30 degrees, warm for January, when I went out to cast my Dem ballot.

Yet the snow it was cold, fell into my good shoes as I crossed the street by the brick schoolhouse.

The ladies, who were old, said I had to choose one, a Republican or a Democrat ballot.

I took the Dem ballot, proud and true, though I knew it might all be for naught!

For my state had violated party rules, and moved the vote up from the warmness of spring time.

I could mess with the GOP ballot, even vote for Ron Paul, but the Dem one was gonna be worthless.

But I could not stand aside and see the only major Dem on the ballot get the most votes of my statesmen!

Hillary Clinton was her name, a proud woman, too, but as a candidate I found her lacking.

My first choice and second, Obama and Edwards, their names were not found, font or back!

(wailing lonesome guitar solo)

There's Gravel, Kucinich, but no, I was pissed, and I wanted my vote to matter.

So Uncommitted I chose, to send a message to those who'd be dealing with this shit come the summer.

If delegates were seated with the rest of the states arrayed in Denver proud and noble,

I'd want some to not be in Clinton's hands, to not give her a boost to the White House!

A new day needed dawning, it's not the '90s any more, and a new honest voice had stepped forward.

His name was Obama, he struck sure and strong, at the shitstains of the Bush White House.

He was inspiring and stirred the souls of people who wanted a change, someone who'd take care of the wreckage.

(more guitar... ok, that's enough)

When I got home I wondered if the 15 minutes was wasted, at least the place was right down the street.

But I was heartened, amazed and astounded at the number I saw when the news came on with results!

Clinton had won 55 per cent of votes, the winner she was, over the minor and absent major opponents.

But 40 per cent of Michigander Democrats felt the same way as I did.

They saw the name Clinton, and searched for something more, and decided to choose UNCOMMITTED!

(harp solo... what is this, Dylan? knock it off!)

Four months they have passed, most other states have voted.

And Obama is clearly the winner.

Hillary Clinton has fought like a tiger, tis true, and got a good share of the delegates.

But the math doesn't lie, she'd need more states to win, states that as of yet don't exist!

"But what about Michigan!" she desperately cried. "Those people's votes must be counted!"

We in this fine state felt the deep warm fuzzies that she suddenly cares so intensely.

When back in the winter she'd said we'd not matter, she was sure she could win without us!

If it's an important cause of democracy and freedom, to seat her share of elected Mich dels,

That she has won by not following national dem's punishing rules and leaving her name on the ballot,

Give 40 per cent of the dels who were chosen by people who wanted Obama or Edwards,

To the man backed by Edwards, the man who'll take back the White House, the man they call Barack Hussain Obama!

To hear Clintonites wail and cry over poor Michigander voters,

Makes me vomit a bit and wish they were beside me,

So I can tell them to stick their rotten sanctimony as far up their ass as it will go.

And the same goes for their leader who, with each daily outburst, proves she's not presidential material!

Now the song is done and the mess still lives, but the answer it blows in the wind.

Or it's just blowing smoke up your ass and mine, as it goes on, with no end!

--your radio friend, Bat Guano

Get that man a record contract and a sepia-toned portrait, STAT!